Man who owns David Bowie albums upset about Harry Styles wearing dress

‘My son might see these pictures and go on to become a beloved multimillionaire pop star’

A man who owns nine David Bowie albums has been left distraught by images of Harry Styles wearing a dress.

“What sort of example does this set to my son?” asked the man, who is allowed to see his son every second weekend.

“Back in my day”, he continued, “Pop stars were proper blokes like David Bowie. If this Harry Styles weirdo was to walk down the street dressed like that, people would stare at the makeup on his face, laugh at his long black hair, his animal grace.”

Admitting the images made him feel “uneasy”, the man compared Styles unfavourably with numerous musical legends, asking “Whatever happened to real men like, I don’t know, Bowie, Iggy Pop, Freddie Mercury, Alice Cooper, Elton John, U2, Marc Bolan, Blur, Ozzy Osbourne, Robert Plant, The Rolling Stones and Kurt Cobain?”.

Asked to comment on the man’s fears, his son said: “I haven’t seen it. I’m not really into Harry Styles. My dad’s a wank though.”